Dadaji is No More- Bhaggo Mausi Also Gone

Vijay, my wife's brother informed us on Monday, August 4 that he was taking Dadaji to the Mission hospital in Mysore to consult with the cardiologist taking care of him since his last heart attack in 2000. He was complaining of breathing difficulty for the past couple of days. Dadaji, my wife's father had been living with his son and family in a farm house on the outskirts of Mysore city after migrating there from Kanpur ( UP) the past few years. Despite two severe MIs in 1984 and one in 2000, he was leading a fairly active life, largely within the farm house. A comfortable,but lonely life- mainly because Ammaji, Shailey's mother passed away 15 years ago, and he had to relocate to a faraway place,due to extra-ordinary circumstances, beyond his control.

On Tuesday, Vijay called again to say that Dadaji had been admitted in the CCU and his condition was deteriorating rapidly. Shailey and I reached Mysore the same night after catching the evening flt to Bangalore and driving for 4 hrs. The senior cardiologist attending on him at the hospital saw only 50- 50 chances of his recovery. His age ( he had completed 86 years on June 23) was the factor holding them back from trying more aggressive procedures to revive his heart, which was functioning with only 25 % efficiency.

When we went in to see him, he was fully conscious, but very restless and apparently unhappy at being strapped up with the rice tube, ventillator and the drip etc. When Shailey called out to him after touching him, he looked at her, and looked away- expressing his disgust at what was happening to him! I don't think he saw me.After spending a few agonizing minutes with him the nurse asked us to leave ,and we did.

We came back home and had lunch. I kept thinking that Dadaji should perhaps go, but could not express it to the family. Shailey had been telling me that Dadaji was an exceptionally bad patient himself and hated any kind of illnesses in the family.He believed in good health and wellness.

It was 3 PM - Wednesday, August 6, 2008 when Vijay called from the hospital to say that Dadaji was no more!

We rushed back to the hospital to help Vijay take decisions on the last rites etc. The SIB officials came to the spot and helped. This is where the IB scores- always there in times of need in any part of the country! According to Vijay, Dadaji had asked him to take the "Arya Samaj" route,in preferece to the "Sanatan Dharma" the sect to which he belonged in the matter of his last rites. So it was Electric Crematorium - "Visarjan" of ashes at the " Sangam" at neighbouring Shrirangapatna, followed by a Shanti Havan ( Home) at home on the fourth day.

Part of the ashes were brought back by us the next day accompanied by Gaurav, Vijay's elder son for being carried to Kanpur for immersion in the Ganges.Gaurav had a very close emotional bonding with his grandfather.

Let's take a quick look at Dadaji's backround- Born into a family of lawyers and Zamindars in Banda, a small town in the arid Bundelkhand region of UP, bordering MP. His mother died when Dadaji was merely a Baby. He was brought up by his eldest Bhabhi and brother who had no issues of their own, and also later formally adopted him. His upbringing was marked by love and plenty, in both emotional and material terms. He went to Alld- Kayasth Pathshala the Mecca of all well- to- do Kayasth sons for higher education from where where he did his Intermediate, and moved to the Sir Ganga Nath Jha hostel of Alld. University for the Bachelors in Arts and Law Degrees. He often recalled with pride and pleasure the lavish lifestyle he led as a student in Alld. spending pots of money on good eating and clothes.

He returned to Banda to set up law practice under his foster father( eldest brother), who was a failrly successful lawyer in the District courts. It was then that a proposal was recieved for him to marry Kum Shailbala the only daughter of Dr. Sampurnanand hailing from Varanasi. Sampurnanadji was a well known figure as a freedom fighter and who was sucked into poltical activity and became an important Minister in the UP Govt. headed by Pt. Govind Vallabh Pant. Both families being educated and enlightened, he was allowed the privilege of seeing the girl's photograph. Dadaji went one step further and surruptitiously saw Ammaji stepping out of the Mahila College in Lucknow. His close buddy and fellow lawyer from Banda, Shri Jagdish Rajan,( later married to my eldest sister) had accompanied him on this important mission. The wedding took place at Lucknow and the Nigams returned with the bride to Banda.

When Ammaji's brother was sent to Banda to get the bride back to her " Maaika" soon after the wedding, which was customery, he took the family elders at home to task for having married his loving sister into the most backward and underdeveloped part of the country- sans electricity, sans water supply, sanitation or transport facilities .But Ammaji did not complain then or later in her life for having been married to Dadaji- possibly because the lack of civic amenities in Banda were more than made up by her husband's love and care! Ammaji was a very gifted and dignified lady with several virtues of head and heart. She was more composed, less demonstrative, and an extremely able home maker.She also kept Dadaji on track. Shailey has no doubt inherited some of her mother's qualities

After a few years of marriage, Shailbala gave birth to Shailja ( my wife)in her father's home in Lucknow. The Baby girl, brought much joy and cheer to the Nigam household. Ammaji would recall with mirth her dreary Banda days - the bumpy Tonga rides over Kutcha roads to attend social events like births and weddings in Purdah , ofcourse, and the rare evenings out to watch a movie in the only " Talkies' in town, where she was served mouth watering Lhassi & Samosas from the neighbouring " Boda Halwai" shop, when the screening of the film was interrupted with the generator running out of diesel, or the projector becoming overheated after showing heavy romantic movies starring Ashok Kumar and Nalini Jayawant for more than thirty minutes at a stretch, with Dadaji perhaps holding the hand of her bride in the darkness of the hall,and the lights would be suddenly switched on, without warnings!

Ammaji put her foot down when their daughter's " Deeksharambh( schooling) was to be launched. " We must move to a place where she gets decent schooling" she told Dadaji. He chose Kanpur, U.P's biggest city and industrial hub, located midway between his wif'e's home ( Lucknow) and his own Banda. They set up home in a house on rent in the posh Civil Lines area close to the courts where he set up law practice. He soon became a Govt Advocate on the criminal side and rose to become the District Govt Counse, a position he held for many years till his retirement. The Nigams were also blessed by a second child, a son they named Vijay , and continued to live happily in the " Doodh Wala Bangla" ( a strange name for a home, I thought) for over two decades -driving up and down in Dadaji's many ramshackled cars ( with frequent break-downs,)to visit Ammaji's home in Lucknow and Banda on weekends and holidays. These visits were great fun especially for the kids.

They were living in the same house,when Shailey and I got married in 1975. The house was full of birds and dogs- thanks to Vijay's love for them which he carries to this day.My visits to my Sasural were marked by lot of " Khatirdari" and good eating/sleeping, which Ammaji took special care of.

The happy days of the Nigam household were rocked badly for ten long years from 1984 to 1994, with serious health problems suddenly afflicting the family- first the 2 MIs in quick succession suffered by Dadaji in 1984, and then Ammaji's prolonged incurable illness from a hepatitis B viral infection she had contacted more than 15 years ago during post surgery blood transfusions. The family naturally came under severe emotional, physical and financial stress. Full marks to Ammaji and young Vijay for having battled both illnesses with fierce tenacity and grit. First in getting Dadaji back on his feet, after being bed ridden for over one year, and then ensuring the best possible quality of life to Ammaji during her 8 long years of illness. Shailey and I have the satisfaction of having helped in her treatment by the best doctors in the country at possibly the finest hospital in the country- the AIIMS.

After Ammaji's demise on January 30 ( Martyrs day) 1994, just a fortnight after her cherished desire of having a postage stamp released in memory of her father was fulfilled largely by our efforts, Dadaji , Vijay and family vacated the "Doodh Wala Bangla" and moved to their own farm house in Magarwara on Lucknow- Kanpur road about 12 Kms out of the city, across the river Ganges. Perhaps taking a cue from his love for nature,Dadji had bought a strech of of about 8 acres of agriculture land for his son. But the hassle of commute for Vijay's three school going children forced them to move back to the city in a rented house for about one year before they moved bag and baggage moved to Mysore, where Vijay took up a job.

My account of Dadaji's life would be incomplete without recalling some of his " Shaukeen" / quixotic ways.- Perhaps on being taunted about his various " Khachra" cars, and riding in the " Limos" of his Chief Minister ( and later Governor of Rajasthan) father-in-law, Dadaji ordered his nephew pursuing an engineering degree in the US ( financed by him) to bring back the longest car being sold there. So the white Ford Custom 500 was shipped out to him. And Dadaji proudly drove his family around on Kanpur, Banda and Lucknow roads for many many years, till Vijay explained to him why they could not afford the White Elephant any longer , and Dadaji grudgingly allwed Vijay to exchage it with a smaller car - a Fiat with a local Nawab of Unnao, who like Dadadi was smitten by big cars!

That more or less completes Dadaji's life story which its ups and downs like most. He was a good , honest and simple man, who was proudly independent and self -reliant till the end. My friends and family remember him as a jovial, spirited grand old man dressed mostly in Kurta - Pyjama or Shervani and Achkan on formal occasions, with his distinctive shock of shining silver hair.

Life treated him failrly well, except for two serious set backs- the loss of his life partner and friend ( Ammaji) at the young age of 61, and his own illness which took the zing out of his life, also at an early age. But he managed well till the end.Despite his frequent outbursts and refusal to see any other view point than his own, I immensely enjoyed his company and shall miss him. May God rest his soul in peace.

I am carrying two B/W pictures of Dadaji which Shailey fished out of the family albums which I hope you will like.He is holding Abhiram our elder son in one, and the other is with his Old Buddy and my late Jeejaji, Shri Jagdish Rajan

Bhaggo Mausi ( Dr. Bhagya Vikram) my mother's only surviving sibling who lived all by herself in Ghaziabad, with her two daughters living in Calcutta and Jallandhur passed away on August 12. She was nearing 90 and had been ailing for some time. She was also an unforgettably charming personality. A Phd. in English literature- her first love, and married a Mona Sikh ( Vikram Singh Mausaji), her third Love. I shall write of my memories of Bhaggo Mausi in my next blog, since this one has already become rather long. But I am carrying two photos of her younger days to give you an idea of her earthy charm!The picture of her next to the cactus was taken in 1956.

Love to all.